


The Long Way Home

by Twilight2000



Category: Forever Knight
Genre: Gen, casefic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-11
Updated: 2014-08-11
Packaged: 2018-02-12 16:47:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2117352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Twilight2000/pseuds/Twilight2000
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Realizing you're not responsible for everyone's choices isn't always easy. Especially when you're used to be the responsible one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Long Way Home

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MelissaTreglia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MelissaTreglia/gifts).



_August 1943, Poland_

Nick walked into the only library still open in the city. He was thankful this one had been deemed “acceptable” by the German government, not just because he liked libraries and didn’t want to see another shuttered. Convincing the locals was no trouble, if the librarian could see them, he could persuade them, but they had to persuade a distant government as well. This library held a special need for his kind. In the back, the last shelving unit was also a sliding doorway into a basement that connected to tunnels. Yes, it had been used for escape for the very mortal Jewish population over the last few years, but it had been an underground passage for his kind for many hundreds of years and that it was still easily accessible was something to be thankful for. He went there now. As he stopped, looked to make sure no one had slipped past the librarian, he reached for the book that would trigger the doorway, The Cask of Amantillado, pushed it in and watched the bookcase slide to admit him to the stairs that would take him to the tunnels.

He reached the floor and called out, “Hello. It’s Nicholas.” 

A young man, maybe 20, stepped out of the shadows and greeted him, “Master.”

“Matthew, I have asked you to please call me Nicholas. I am no one’s Master.”

“I am sorry, Ma— Nicholas. It is something I will strive to give up as I come closer to the light.” They walked toward the space they had been using as a meeting room as they spoke.

“I know you will, Matthew. I have to leave town for few days, so I wanted to see how the group was progressing before I left.”

Matthew’s eyes grew large, “Leaving? How shall we manage without your light to lead us?”

Nick smiled, “It is part of your journey that you should occasionally lead yourselves toward the light. This will give you a few days to practice that skill.” And, he hoped, prove themselves to themselves at very least.

“Of course. The others await your teachings.” He bowed and led Nick into the meeting room where three others of about the same age were waiting. Nick began his lessons as he always did, taking stock of how the four were progressing. “Tell me how your day has been.”

Each one spoke in turn, beginning with Matthew. “I have been able to eat meat that was passed through a flame shortly and have kept it down.”

Dark haired Gina spoke next, “I have been able to drink wine with no blood in it, a few sips, and kept it down!” She was excited; this was a big step for her.

Dell smiled, “I have stood in the sun of the day for 2 seconds! There was no smoke either. I think our diet is having a positive effect!”

The youngest looking, Desta, with bouncing blond curls looked at Nick, her eyes not so merry as the rest. “I have had no progress today. If anything, it has been a day of backward steps. I could not keep down the wine without blood, I could not eat the meat, even dipped in blood, I could not stand in the sun without smoke immediately giving me away.” She looked away, disgusted with… herself or the tasks asked of her? Nick couldn’t tell.

“Each of you has done well. You’ve all tried and that is something most of our brethren won’t do. Desta, we all have set back days, the success is when we don’t let that stop us. I will have to be in Austria for the next few days, so I want you to work together and support each other in your growth toward the light. We can all do this if we work together.”

Destra looked horrified, but the other three comforted her and made it clear that they would support her in Nick’s absence.

Nick nodded, smiled, gave signs of support and left to return to the library above. They would be fine, he would only be gone 3 or 4 days and then he would be back to check on them.

*****

Nick’s trip had taken longer than he had hoped. He was back in just over fivedays and he returned to Bialystok to find his friends under the library. What he saw was the worst devastation he could imagine. There had been an uprising and huge swaths of the town had been destroyed. The library was standing, but the number of guards spoke to the likelihood of his getting beneath the main floor to the tunnels and the nearest entrance beyond the Library was many miles out of town. Had his friends survived? Were they hiding in the tunnels, terrified? He had to find out.

Over the next few days he hunted, mostly by night, for Matthew and the others. He searched the area, he listened for bits of gossip in the pubs, he even violated his vows to return to personhood and flew to the top of the library in the dead of night, to see if he could enter. There was no glass on this roof, and no entrance he could divine.

Finally, on the 4th day after his return, he caught the whisper of a story. Four figures were committing what was being described as “mercy killings”; they were described as angels of death; they came in the night, they took those living in the street, hiding from the German invasion forces, and left them laid out, flowers in the hands of crossed arms over the chest, as if to send them on a peaceful path to the beyond. They were all uniformly pale and the rumors said, there was no blood left.

That didn’t fit any local burial traditions he knew. It did fit the behavior of his kind, especially if they were remorseful for doing what they were doing. He’d been gone too long, at the wrong time and his students had reverted. That was the only explanation. They were killing those who were left without hope. He was disgusted. This war had done so much damage to so many, and now it took his only hope as well.

*****

_Now_

Nick walked into Autopsy. It had been a long day and he hoped Nat had the answers he needed to move on with this damnable investigation. “Hi Nat.”

Natalie looked up from her desk, she was still in scrubs, but was writing up notes, so had no gloves or mask on. “Hi Nick. Come by to pass the time or were you looking for something more concrete?” Her voice was light and teasing in a friendly way, but she knew this was eating Nick up. She didn’t exactly know why, but she knew this one was more personal than most of his cases.

Nick looked… tired, if she had to choose a word. Not a regular look for him. “Do you have any results yet, Nat? It’s been a long day.”

“I think I’ve got what you’re looking for, but you’re not going to like it. This is the third body with the same pattern. All three have been apparently homeless and not well. All three are minorities in the city and would likely stand a hard time finding work, even if their English were perfect. I don’t know whose work this is, but I’ve found the same puncture wound to the femoral artery on this one as well. The body is largely drained of blood and with little to no blood where we find the bodies, I have to think this isn’t a human attack, Nick.”

The look on Nick’s face was unmistakable revulsion. They’d seen much worse together, so what was so awful about these deaths? She knew asking wouldn’t work; he’d have to volunteer. She’d have to make a comfortable space in the conversation for that to happen.

“Look, it could be a cultist and completely human. Whoever it is, they’re being careful to not leave bite marks, so there’s that.”

Nick leaned on the now clean, empty autopsy table. He didn’t want to share this part of his past, this utter failure, with Natalie, but if it would help her help him find them? Shame would better than more deaths. He turned, leaning against the table now, arms crossed and clearly unhappy. “Nat, I need to tell you what I think I’m seeing here. It will help us identify if there are others and narrow down the hunting ground. If you’re right, then yes, it’s not human. It’s a mistake I left for dead over 50 years ago. A mistake I walked away from in the middle of your second world war, one I thought was dealt with, but am beginning to think was not.”

He spoke of Matthew and the others, how they had reached for the light, how they had been doing so well when the town of Bialystok was half destroyed in the uprising in ’43 while he was on a mission to Austria. He spoke of the similar deaths that happened when he returned, though there were bite marks then, but the victims were the poor, minority, downtrodden without much chance for a good life. “It was all I could do to not lose what little conscience I had grown and shred them limb from limb, assuming I could have found them. They were so young, so full of life, so dedicated to finding the light with me. I wasn’t there for them when the Germans did their worst to the town they called home and they couldn’t stand to see suffering, so in their twisted minds, killing was the best they could do for the downtrodden. But in so doing, they had returned to the dark. I couldn’t stand to see it and I was so perched on the edge, I might have joined them. I had to get out. I reached out to LaCroix, to let him know there was a rampage going on that I couldn’t stop, knowing he would, if only to protect our kind. He told me he had taken care of the problem, leaving me to think he’d dispatched them. I’m beginning to think he didn’t, that he just moved them somewhere else with a new set of “marching” orders and that his great amusement was knowing that sometime they would come back.”

Nat had to shake her head, “Is LaCroix really that much of a bastard, Nick?”

Nick nodded, “That and more. He might have lured them here because he thought I was becoming too complacent or some such drivel. These deaths, they’re on me, because I was too weak to take care of my own damn mess back then!” He pounded on the table once, an act that would have broken a regular man’s hand.

Natalie could see the anguish in his very stance, she knew she couldn’t take this pain away, but maybe she could lessen it? She stood, walked over to Nick and put an arm around him, “Nick, you are not responsible for the choices others make, human or vampire. You are responsible for your choices and it seems to me you’ve been making some pretty good ones for close on to 100 years. That’s more than any human can say!”

Nicholas looked at her, “I know you’re trying to make me feel better, but that only reminds me that I spent some 700 years making bad choices. I have so much to make up for. This is just the latest of my transgression coming back to haunt me. How do I make up for this? The deaths in Poland, the deaths here, half a world away in Toronto? How?” Nick hung his head, allowing Nat to keep her arm around him, but in so much pain she didn’t know what to do or say, so she just kept quiet.

“Look, Nick, you can’t undo what’s been done, but together we can find this killer and stop him. That’s got to be worth something, right?”  
Nick looked at her, “How you keep so bright an outlook with the job you have I will never know. Thanks, Nat. It helps keep me balanced. All right, so let’s look at the map and see where the hunting ground is. What’s the triangle built by the three dead so far?”

Nick and Nat were able to narrow it down to a several block area that described a Southeast Asian ghetto, the same kind of thing he’d seen in Bialystok. While the means of extracting blood was different, so much else was the same. How could he stop this? Perhaps Janette would have some information or be able to get some? He’d have to wait till Schanke went home, he didn’t need to see the inside of The Raven again. Nick smiled just a little at that.

Sensing Nick’s change in mood, Natalie let him go and stood back just a little. “What have you come up with?”

“I think it’s time for a late night visit to The Raven. I’ll let you know what I find out.”

*****

It was midnight as Nick arrived at The Raven. Janette was holding court when he walked in, he nodded and walked toward the back of the bar. She followed shortly with her glass of “wine”. “What do you want tonight, Nicholas?”

“The killings in the ghetto just south of here, what do you know of them?”

“Mmm, right to the point, eh? No pleasantries?” she dipped her finger in the wine and put it in her mouth, to suck the juices from it. “All business?”

“Janette, it’s a matter of time, there’s a damn good chance there’ll be another death tonight and I’d like very much to prevent that. I would think you would as well, given the lack of blood in each of the victims. We don’t need that kind of publicity, do we?”

She could flip the “all business” switch as fast as Nicholas could, “You are right, we don’t. I have heard precious little, but the rumor is that it’s a group and they’re only taking out the hopeless. Not unlike you used to do, mon cher?”

Nick was furious, “NOTHING like I used to do – I took out only the most depraved, only the worst of the population. Lack of Hope? That is not anything LIKE the same!”

“Shhhhh, Nicholas, calm down. I am sorry, I forget these bits of light in the night mean so very much to you. I honestly know nothing more than I’ve told you. I do have a couple of new regulars that you might want to speak to. I’ll introduce you, if you’ve calmed down enough to be civil?”

Nick knew he had to become calm or she’d never introduce him to them. He found his center, Natalie smiling back at him over a bottle of wine, and opened his eyes.

“Better, Nicholas. Less yellow. Let us go see the new regulars, shall we?”

They walked back out onto the floor and she took him to a table near one of the walls. He almost couldn’t believe his eyes. It was Matthew – and Gina. What had he done?

“Matthew, Gina, I wanted to introduce an old friend of mine, Nicholas. He spend some time in your native country, I believe?”

Matthew stood and extended a hand to shake, “Greetings, Old Friend. You were in Poland once?” Gina just smiled up at him.

They were going to pretend they didn’t know him? He would let that stand for the moment. He took Matthew’s hand, “Greetings. Yes, I was in Poland some 50 odd years ago, the northern counties.”

“Please, join us for a drink?” Matthew extended a hand, indicating the empty chair at the table and looked to Janette, “Whatever he prefers please.”

Janette smiled and walked back to the bar. Nick stood at the table, wondering how they could not recognize him? The drink showed up and Nick mumbled a thank you while he sat down. Now that it was just the three of the, perhaps he would give up the charade? “Do you really not recognize me, Matthew?”

Matthew’s smile broke out across his face, “Of course I recognize you, Nicholas! We are so happy to see you again, we never imagined to find you here in the new world! How is your procession toward the light, old friend?”

Nicholas was thoroughly confused, “My— wait, are you still marching towards the light?”

“Of course, it’s why we came to the new world! We thought to give ourselves a new start!”

“I don’t understand. I came back to Bialystok and the town was half ruined after the German invasion. There were deaths clearly attributable to our kind and I was run out of town before I could reconnect with you. What happened?”

“Ah, I see your confusion. We left as the Germans came, we weren’t there by the time you came back. We thought it best to be somewhere less… tempting. All that bloodshed made it hard for us to focus on the light, so we went south to France, reasoning that would be a better environment for us. We left a message at the Library, did you not get it?”

Nick couldn’t believe his ears. Did this story stand up? Had he blamed them for another’s deeds all these decades? “No. The library was closed and guarded by the time I returned. There were deaths, like the ones currently happening here, when I returned and my sire told me he took care of the issue.”

“LaCroix? But I thot…”

“That I wasn’t speaking to him? Not at that time, but a little, since then. I find a small connection isn’t wholly untenable and has its benefits.”

Matthew nodded, “So is it just us three then? Desta and Dell have been invisible since we left Bialystok.”

Nick sighed, rubbing his brows between finger and thumb. “It’s even possible that they are the current problem, but for now, it’s just us three.”

*****

They spoke for another few minutes before Nick could politely extricate himself, “I must go, before there’s another attack in the ghetto.”

“Of course, Nicholas. Can we help?” Gina just sat there, smiling.

“Not right now, Matthew. It’s a police matter and I don’t want to drag you into it if I can avoid it. I’ll see you again.” And with that, he stood and left The Raven. He needed to speak with Natalie again; he needed to clear his head.

*****

“Nat?”

“Yes, Nick?” she looked up from paperwork, “What do you need?”

“I found Matthew and Gina. They seem to be going with the “not us” theory. On the other hand, they claim they’ve not seen Dell or Desta since 1943, which is certainly possible for our kind, but I don’t know if I believe that story in this case.”

“That’s a hard one, Nick. Unfortunately I don’t have any other good news for you. I can’t tell the gender of the attacker because it looks like they’re using something like an icepick and tubing for drainage, so no DNA there. The bodies are clean in all other respects and there seems to be no sexual component.”

“There wouldn’t be if it was one of us, not the way you mean. The lack of evidence only points more solidly at one of my own kind. If it was Dell and Desta? It’s very much my fault. She was teetering when I left and the attack on their safe haven could well have sent her over the edge.”

“Nick, right or wrong, beating yourself up won’t solve this case. Finding the killers will.”

“You’re right,” he gave a small deprecating smile, “as usual. I’m going back out. Maybe I can find whoever it is and stop this.”

*****

There was another week and two more before Nick was able to come up with anything. Each time, he went to The Raven and spoke to Matthew and Gina again, each time they offered to help and looked as innocent as any of Nick’s kind could. Each time, they asked about his journey toward the light and spoke a little of theirs. Each time, Nick couldn’t shake the idea that he was missing something very obvious.

With five similar deaths, it was more than just Nick and Schanke, half the force was looking for the murderers now. The assumption was that there were at least two and that it wasn’t going to stop till they were caught. Of course this made it more likely that one of his own would be caught by a human cop, increasing the chance of the death of the humans on the police force. He still couldn’t tell if he could believe Matthew and Gina. He still had no idea where Dell and Desta were. He was no closer to solving this case or absolving himself of the self-imposed guilt that he felt.

*****

He had to do something. Constantly looking and finding nothing was going to kill him, to say nothing of the human population. He went to The Raven and asked Janette to have one of her own tail Matthew and Gina. Maybe he could find something that way. 

On the 3rd night, before a 6th murder, they finally caught a break. Janette called him while he was in autopsy and he drove over to The Raven. He arrived after dinner, but before she opened the club. He’d ducked out on Schanke and Natalie with some lame excuse about his drycleaning.

“Janette?”

“Mon Cher?”

He walked down into the darkened club, only to find himself facing all four of the seekers of light from the war. Holding a stake over Janette’s heart. No wonder she hadn’t warned him.

“What do you believe that will accomplish” he gestured toward the stake.

“We hope it will bring you to our understanding of the world, but we expect you will let us leave unharmed at the very least.” Matthew spoke as a leader. Of course, he had been their leader since Nick had left them in 1943. Stupid.

“Killing my old friend will not change what you have chosen, nor how sloppy you’ve become in your killings over the past month. What do you wish of me?”

“We wish to have you join us – to repudiate your ridiculous desire to “the light” and to realize that these short lived beings aren’t worth mimicking or saving.”

Nick shook his head, “That will never happen. I continue to seek the light, no matter how far from me it may lay. I am only sorry that you don’t still seek it as well.”

Matthew nodded, “Very well. If you are committed to your course of errored thought, then we only want to leave without harm.”

“You know I can’t let you wander the earth committing what you think are mercy killings. I know that I failed you back in the war, but I also know that you must be responsible for your decisions, seeking the light or not.”

Janette hadn’t moved since Nick had entered the building. All six of them had similar reflexes, though his might be a hair slower with his choice of sustenance. In any case, it was unlikely he’d move faster than all four of them and he wasn’t willing to trade Janette’s life for their capture. 

“You want me to just stand here while you waltz out the front door?”

“Something like that. We know what your conscience will make you do and we simply want to leave town. Will you let us?”

He weighed his options, he thought about what he could do, he stalled as long as he could, hoping that he was right about what he thought might be happening outside the building. He had seen a brief movement across a window that they couldn’t see.

“I will not stop you if you wish to leave. You will leave Janette here with me, however.”

Matthew looked at Nick, sizing him up, trying to tell if his word was still good. Those with a conscience were the easiest to beat because of that. The only question was who was playing their game closer to their vest in this case. He hesitated one more moment and backed away from Janette. “Fine. You are as good as your word, we will give you back your “old friend” Seeker of Light.” That last part was said as insult, where once it had been a term of endearment, of almost worship.

Saddened, Nick nodded and crossed to Janette, who seemed fine, if a little pale even for her. Matthew turned to leave, with his team of murderers. Not through the front door, but around back. Where, presumably, there was an alley exit.

*****

Unfortunately for Matthew and his merry band of murderers, he wasn’t the only one who had thought of an alley exit. The next few minutes were confusing, even to Nick, though he put it together later, talking to Natalie.

“Wait, so you and Schanke agreed on something?” he smiled, sitting on the couch in his place, drinking a shared glass of wine with Nat. There was a glass of ice sitting next to the wine, something for Nat to crunch on. She’s said she liked that when they were drinking without any food. Something about hydrating.

“Don’t sound so surprised! We often do when it comes to saving your butt!” she laughed, leaning against Nick warmly with her glass of wine.

“So Schanke conducted a front door raid?”

“Front and back door, he kept me at the front door to be handy for any bodies, but he told me he expected the real action out back.”

“So he went to the alley?”

“Good luck for him that there are three exits from The Raven, eh?” she took another swallow.

“Yea, because as near as I can tell, LaCroix was at the lower alley exit waiting for the four of them ready to distribute justice his way. That could have been messy.”

“It could have, but it appears he only took Matthew and Gina that way. Schanke’s men found both of them dead in the same way the others had been killed. Dell and Desta were captured by Schanke’s team but escaped in the van on the way to lock up.”

“What really happened?”

“I was hoping you’d tell me!” she turned to him, eyes wide open with question in them.

“As near as I can tell, they were actually the killers. LaCroix killed Matthew and Gina because they were still seekers of light and it was his way to torment me. Escaped, Dell and Desta will continue to kill, just somewhere else and somewhat more discreetly, I expect. My absence did prove too much for Desta; and Dell, in love with her, followed her to insanity. Matthew and Gina had given chase and tried stop them for over 50 years. What a mess.”

“But I detect that at least you’re not blaming yourself anymore?”

“No, you’re right. I can only take credit… and blame… for my own decisions. I give credit to others for their good choices, I have to learn to give them blame for the bad ones as well.”

“I’d say this was a very positive step toward the light, Seeker.”

He smiled, “If you say so.” Then he tipped the glass of ice over her head.

*****

If we are not our brother’s keeper, at least let us not be his executioner ~Marlon Brando

**Author's Note:**

> This became an historical piece the moment I started writing. The 2nd world war was a fascinating time for Nicholas, and exploring it more made sense for this prompt. People he'd known over time seemed far more likely to convince him than those he'd just met.


End file.
